


Pitching Woo

by LadyMerlin



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Aida Riko/Hyuuga Junpei/Kiyoshi Teppei (Implied), Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Kiyoshi Teppei is a Chaotic Neutral, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Beta Read, Other, basketball idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-18
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2019-02-25 19:36:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13219749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyMerlin/pseuds/LadyMerlin
Summary: It all starts when Hyuuga musters up the courage to finally confess to the Coach. Of course, that's not the problem.The problem is that Kiyoshi Teppei, faced with a future of third-wheeling his two best friends, decides he wants a partner too. He chooses Kuroko, of all people.That'sthe problem.





	Pitching Woo

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't going to post this yet, but I just realised today that I've been on [tumblr](http://obsessionality.tumblr.com/post/169815173599/are-you-fuckin-kidding-me) and AO3 for **SEVEN YEARS** now. It's literally my tumblr's 7th birthday today. That means I've been in fandom for **THIRTEEN YEARS**. My mind is blown.

It all starts when Hyuuga musters up the courage to _finally_ confess to the Coach. She accepts, of course; the two of them have been pining for each other since almost the beginning of high school. Once together, they become almost nauseatingly cute, as well as exponentially more terrifying when they’re scheming, but that’s not the problem.

The problem is that Kiyoshi, faced with a future as a third wheel to his two best friends, decides that he wants someone to date as well. And because Kiyoshi’s brain works differently to other peoples’ brains, he decides that the only way he’ll get someone to date is by wooing them.

No, actually, that’s not the problem either. Kiyoshi can woo whomever he likes and it’s none of Kagami’s damn business.

The _real_ problem is that for some bizarre reason, Kiyoshi decides he wants to woo _Kuroko_ of all people. The announcement drives Kagami absolutely _insane_ , though he thinks he does a reasonable job of hiding it; he just doesn’t understand why it has to be Kuroko, who has become as dear to him as a brother since he arrived in Japan.

He tells himself that Kuroko is the closest thing Kagami has to family, and he doesn’t want anyone to hurt him. Then again, Kagami could kick Kiyoshi’s ass if pressed, so that’s not really the problem.

He tells Alex that it’s disrespectful for Kiyoshi to select Kuroko, as if out of a line-up, with no regard as to what Kuroko himself feels, without any real justification as to why he’s chosen Kuroko, but that’s not the real problem either – anyone would have to be blind to not see that Kuroko’s insanely attractive. People have selected partners for worse reasons.

He tells Tatsuya that Kiyoshi doesn’t even know Kuroko, doesn’t know his personality or what he likes, and most importantly, doesn’t know how to take care of him like Kagami does.

Unlike Alex, who’d been mostly asleep while Kagami was talking to her, his brother is very much awake to receive Kagami’s late-night phonecall. Tatsuya very reasonably suggests that that’s what dating is for, and that Kiyoshi could turn out to be a wonderful boyfriend if his attentiveness and warmth are anything to go by.

Kagami pretends the connection is breaking up and puts down the phone before he unintentionally crushes it into scrap metal between his hands.

The real problem – which he refuses to articulate to _anyone_ because all his friends are assholes – is that the very thought of Kuroko going out with Kiyoshi (or anyone else for that matter) makes Kagami want to _murder_ someone. He tries to hide that too, but he doesn’t do a very good job of it, if the constant side-eyes and sniggers are anything to go by.

He’s not sure if it’s a mercy or a curse that Kuroko seems oblivious to all the by-play, distracted by the drama that’s an inescapable part of being a member of the Generation of Miracles.

Just that week, Kise and Aomine are arrested for trying to play street-ball while horrendously drunk (and half-naked), and Akashi is detained for threatening the arresting police officer while trying to post bail for them. Satsuki manages to remove herself as Aomine’s emergency contact so there’s no one to bail them all out except Kuroko. Kagami tags along for the ride, because initially it seems like good fun. Also, he thinks he should make sure that no innocent police officers are conveniently disappeared along the way, because that would totally happen if the Miracles were left unsupervised. 

Only then, Kagami starts having a recurring nightmare (dream?) about being married to Kuroko and having to deal with the worst extended family on the planet. The Generation of Miracles make Tatsuya, who once broke his finger while pole-dancing for a spare highlighter at two pm in a college cafeteria, look like as manageable as a pet rock in comparison.

He imagines Akashi letting himself into their flat uninvited and lurking in shadowy corners, light glinting equally off his demented golden eye and brandished scissors. He imagines Midorima giving gory medical diagnoses of everything that is wrong with him at their dinner table, Kuroko listening attentively while Kagami steadily loses his appetite. He imagines Aomine trying to steal Kuroko from him at every juncture, turning up in increasing degrees of undress, displaying his rakish good looks and reminding Kuroko of their long shared history. And he certainly doesn’t want Kise’s death on his hands, though it’s inevitable if he continues being so familiar with Kuroko.

He imagines waking up to Murasakibara hovering over their bed like a giant purple invading alien, a strip of crispy bacon extended on a pair of disposable chopsticks right underneath Kagami’s nose, a metaphor for temptation and punishment or something. He imagines the ensuing loss of limbs. (Kagami has no illusions as to his chances of survival if he takes food from Murasakibara, even if it appears to be freely proffered.)

(With the Generation of Miracles, it’s always a trap.)

None of that, however, deters his foolish heart from wanting what it wants, which is Kuroko and all the chaos that comes with him, the real-life jump-scares and the blue-eyed dog and the ridiculously persuasive puppy-dog-eyes (Kuroko’s, not Nigou’s). 

(Kagami wants it all; Kuroko and _their_ flat and _their_ table and _their_ bed)

And none of that helps when Kiyoshi starts wooing Kuroko in earnest, with flowers and milkshakes and offers to walk him home, like an old fashioned gentleman.

Kagami can’t do anything about the first two, even though he has to resist the urge to punt the flowers (and the milkshakes) out of open windows, but they make Kuroko happy so he doesn’t. He does, however, vociferously defend his right to walk Kuroko home. That’s _his_ quality time with Kuroko and Kiyoshi can’t have it.

Kuroko, affable as he is, tends to accept most of Kiyoshi offers and gifts with little more than a confused smile, because the idiot still hasn’t clued into what Kiyoshi is trying to do. Even then, he opts to walk home with Kagami.

(Kagami pretends that it’s because Kuroko likes spending quality time with him too, but he doesn’t dare get his hopes up. If Kuroko was just taking pity on him, Kagami thinks his heart would break.)

Kagami isn’t subtle but he tries his best to clue Kuroko into what’s going on without actually coming out and saying it. Unfortunately, his friend just doesn’t seem to get it, and Kagami wonders whether the obliviousness has something to do with Kuroko’s astonishingly low sense of self-worth or whether he’s just that dumb. It’s funny, he tries to convince himself.

“Kuroko, you don’t understand, Kiyoshi is _interested_ in you. Do you get what I’m saying?”

Kuroko tilts his head in a way that makes him look like a little bird, or a curious puppy, and then shakes his head. “Kagami-kun isn’t making any sense. Aren’t all friends interested in each other?”

Kagami gives up just before Kuroko takes the turn into his cul-de-sac and it’s probably for the best that no one’s around to witness Kagami hitting his head against the nearest lamp-post. This entire situation is just ridiculous.

As if Kiyoshi isn’t bad enough, other people seem to be getting in on the action because they seem to have suddenly realised that Kuroko is… actually… quite eligible. If Kagami never hears Kise talking about how cute Kuroko’s butt is, _ever again_ , it’ll be too soon.

Aomine whisks Kuroko out to a LAN cafe one night after practice, and then Akashi comes down all the way from Kyoto to take Kuroko out for the fanciest vanilla milkshakes Kagami has ever seen on Instagram, and Murasakibara sends little paper envelopes stuffed with milk candies for Kuroko whenever Tatsuya visits Kagami. Kagami doesn’t want to give a name to the rising sense of futility and despair inside him, but he knows.

He knows what this is, and it’s no good. 

(Kuroko doesn’t like him like that.)

One day Midorima and Takao visit Seirin after practice and invite Kuroko out to watch a movie, saying that Aomine’s already in queue to get tickets at the Cineplex. Kagami doesn’t want to see this double-date go down, so he’s gone by the time Kuroko turns around to ask if he wants to come along.

“Huh,” Kuroko mumbles, and misses the knowing glances between Midorima and Takao.

Kagami’s back at practice again the next day, because he’s not an idiot, and it would be disrespectful of him to skip out on the team in favour of something as pathetic as hurt feelings. Still, the Coach is oddly gentle with him, and doesn’t even try to strangle him in a chokehold when he misses a shot he could totally have made if he’d been paying attention.

He’s expecting it when Kuroko confronts him in the locker room at the end of a long practice session. His partner would never let his conduct slide. He apologises before Kuroko can get a single word out.

“What for?” he asks, and Kagami can’t help but be surprised.

He shrugs but doesn’t make eye-contact. “My head’s not in the game today.”

“It’s okay Kagami-kun,” Kuroko says, voice soft. “No one can be in top form all the time, and everyone has off-days.”

Kagami shrugs but doesn’t say anything else; the words don’t really help. He knows himself. This isn’t going to be just a bad day. It’s going to be a bad week, or more. He doesn’t like people often, and when he does, well.

It’s never easy to move on. 

(It’s impossible.)

“How was your movie yesterday?” he asks instead, trying to change the topic.

Kuroko blinks, confusion dawning on his usually-blank face. “I didn’t go, Kagami-kun. Why did you leave so quickly? I thought you would go to Maji Burger for dinner but you weren’t there.”

Internally Kagami is kicking himself, but he keeps a straight face. “A friend from LA said she wanted to skype, and I didn’t want to interrupt your conversation with Midorima. I just went straight home, sorry Kuroko, I thought you were planning to go out with them.”

Something unreadable flashes on Kuroko’s face, and then he’s back to his usual placid self. “Alex?” he asks, having been introduced to Kagami’s mentor in the past.

Kagami shakes his head. “Another friend, Alex’s girlfriend.” He leaves it deliberately vague because he’s not sure how Kuroko will react to the idea of Alex having a girlfriend. He doesn’t even know how Kuroko will react if Kagami told him about himself. He doubts Kuroko would care over-much, but it’s one of those things that’s scary, no matter what the scenario. If Kagami could get away without ever coming out, he would, but life’s not that easy.

Kuroko waits quietly for Kagami to finish shoving his dirty clothes into an empty duffel bag to take home, to launder. When they’re outside the school gates, he finally has the courage to ask. “Do you have any plans tonight?”

Kuroko shakes his head and watches Kagami carefully. “I was planning on making a stir-fry but I always make too much. Want to come over for dinner?”

Kuroko nods and his mouth twitches up in what might just be a smile, so Kagami takes it as a victory and decides to make the best damn stir-fry Kuroko has ever tasted. And if he has vanilla ice-cream stashed away in his freezer, it’s just a coincidence.

Things go back downhill on Monday when Kiyoshi gets down on one knee to serenade Kuroko half-way through practice. He doesn’t get far, because the Coach tackles him for doing something which could potentially damage his knees, but it’s enough to ruin Kagami’s mood. For the first time in weeks, he doesn’t stay back late(r) to practice, opting instead to hide in the library and actually get some (long overdue) homework done.

He’s so attuned to Kuroko that he doesn’t even jump when his friend appears beside him a few hours later. The lazy summer sun has dipped low in the sky and the library looks darker and emptier than usual. “Hello, Kuroko,” he says, before Kuroko can take the opportunity to shock him.

“Kagami-kun,” Kuroko greets back. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Kagami chews on the back of his pencil and nods. “I’m not pulling an Aomine, I promise,” he says, seeing straight through the troubled look in Kuroko’s eyes. “I’m just. Well. I’m just feeling a little sad.”

Kuroko immediately draws a chair to sit beside him. “Why are you sad, Kagami-kun?” he asks, looking at Kagami intently.

Kagami smiles but he gets the feeling even that looks a little sad. “Why do you call me Kagami, Kuroko? Why not Taiga, like everyone else?” he asks instead of answering the question.

Kuroko looks confused, and Kagami feels like he’s definitely levelled-up in terms of how well he can read his friend’s face. “Why do you call me Kuroko?”

“Because you’ve never invited anyone to call you anything else. I may be a clueless foreigner, but I do have manners.”

Confusion turns to surprise and Kagami feels like he’s been giving Kuroko a lot of those, recently. “Well, you’re welcome to call me Tetsuya, Kagami-kun. Taiga,” he corrects himself, after a pause.

They study each other for a second before Kagami has to stifle laughter, and even Kuroko looks amused. “God, that sounds weird.”

“Will you not tell me why you’re sad, recently, Taiga?” Kuroko asks when they’re done laughing, letting Kagami know that his diversion tactic had failed.

Kagami shrugs. “I don’t know. I mean, I do know, but it sounds so dramatic to call it heart-break, you know?” the words just slip out from his mouth because he’s become far too accustomed to telling Kuroko everything, that even this secret is too much for him to keep.

Kuroko goes completely still and the light in his bright blue eyes seems to dim somehow, even though Kagami knows that’s ridiculous. Kuroko puts a hand on his shoulder and Kagami tamps down on a shiver.

When had he become such a sap? Kuroko touched him all the time, and it was normal for friends to touch each other. This thing was ruining his life.

“May I ask Kagami-kun who it is?” Kuroko asks, and his more formal address doesn’t escape Kagami’s notice. More than anything else, that tells him that he should not confess to Kuroko, that it won’t go well for either of them.

Kagami shakes his head. “I don’t really want to talk about it, Kuroko, though you’re damn easy to talk to.”

Kuroko’s own answering smile is a little sad. “Can I do anything to cheer you up?” he asks instead.

Kagami shakes his head again and gives the most stupid answer he could have possibly concocted. “Just spend some time with me. I’m feeling a little lonely now-a-days.”

Kuroko shifts his chair closer to Kagami’s and presses his shoulder against Kagami’s own in silent solidarity, not knowing that it’s taking everything in him to not glomp Kuroko like one of those anime characters. Oddly enough, it reminds him of Momoi.

“How’s your friend, Momoi? I feel like I’ve seen a lot of the rest of the MiraGen recently, but not her.”

Kuroko looks like he’s biting something back but that makes no sense. Maybe Kagami’s not as adept at reading Kuroko as he’d thought. “Satsuki-san is doing well, but she’s currently going out with Aomine-kun.”

“Is she?” Kagami ponders. “Good luck to her, dating that muscle-head.” Momoi looks like she’s way too smart for someone as thick as Aomine, but he supposes their long friendship means that she sees more to him than that.

Kuroko looks surprised again. “I’m sorry about that, Kagami-kun, but I don’t think she’s your type. She’s a dear friend but in all honesty, you deserve someone kinder than her.”

It takes Kagami a full five seconds to realise what’s just happened and then he sputters and chokes for thirty seconds until he gets his thoughts in order. “Oh my god, Kuroko, no, definitely not. She’s not my type at all.” Too female, he thinks.

Kuroko’s eyebrows are migrating slowly upwards and Kagami wonders what kind of alien he is to prompt such expressiveness from someone as placid as Kuroko. “Then—” he begins, before cutting himself off. He shakes his head as if to shake the question away, and Kagami realises he has to fess up, before this goes completely sideways.

“Kuroko, I hope you’ll forgive me for this, but. Well. I know I should have told you earlier but it’s not easy for me.”

There’s nothing on Kuroko’s face; he’s holding completely still.

“I don’t like women. At all. Not like that, anyway, romantically.” Kagami knows he’s bungling his sentences but he can’t help it.

Kuroko still doesn’t say anything, but Kagami feels panic brimming inside him like a rising tide. “Shit, I knew this was a bad idea, I’m so sorry Kuroko, I promise I won’t do anything weird, I’m just like anybody else except for this, please don’t hate me, I’d really miss being your friend and playing basket-ball with you—”

“Kagami-kun please be quiet,” Kuroko says, and Kagami’s voice drops into silence. “I don’t care in the least, Kagami-kun, please trust that I would never think any differently of you, knowing that you do not like women. I’m just a little surprised because Kagami-kun is so popular with women, that I thought—”

Kagami _tsk_ s in frustration. “Everyone always thinks that. I’m only popular with girls because I treat them like people and not – well. I’m not interested in girls, and I’m certainly not interested in Momoi. I would never do that to you, Kuroko, not even if I was straight.”

“Do what to me?” Kuroko asks, blinking.

“You like her, don’t you?” Kagami asks without thinking.

Kuroko blinks again and then shakes his head, soft blue hair looking eminently touchable. “No, Momoi-san is like a sister to me. She used to like me, but that was a long time ago, when I was nicer to her than the rest of the _Kiseki_. We’re just friends, now.”

“Oh,” Kagami says, because what else can he say? “Well, thank you for being so cool about, well. Me.”

Kuroko’s jab to his side is surprisingly hard and it’s a good thing the library is empty so no one can hear Kagami yelp like a kicked puppy. “Don’t be an idiot, Kagami-kun, you should know I would never judge you for being gay. You’re my best friend and I wouldn’t even care if you had a tasteless crush on Kise-kun, though you would have my sympathies,” he says, smirking slightly at the look of horror on Kagami’s face. “Besides, it would be hypocritical of me.” 

Kagami falls off his chair because he’s never been cool in his life, and clearly playing basketball has resulted in some form of permanent brain-damage. “Hypocritical?”

Kuroko studies him. “It means to behave in a way that suggests—”

“Ne, Kuroko, I know what hypocritical means. I just meant, I don’t understand.” Kagami wasn’t proud of the way his voice became pitchier, and once again found himself grateful that the library was so empty.

“It would be hypocritical of me because I like men too. Men, and women, and everything in between, I don’t really mind either way,” Kuroko says, as calm and equable as ever, as though he doesn’t know how he’s just shattered Kagami’s world.

“You do?” is all he can find it in himself to ask. He’s not sure whether Kuroko’s announcement has made his day or whether it’s ruined his life.

“My first crush was Akashi-kun, before I realised that he was the worst possible recipient of my affections,” Kuroko deadpans.

It’s so shocking that Kagami can’t help but snigger. “Jeeze, so when did the survival-instinct kick in?”

“I don’t know,” Kuroko replies, smiling still, “possibly when he first told Midorima that he enjoyed seeing people on their knees? I mean, I’m not a prude but I got the feeling he was way too into submission for my comfort.”

It’s such an unexpectedly suggestive line that Kagami bursts into laughter. It feels good. Kuroko has a little look of triumph on his face, like he’s just won a basketball game, or possibly an award of some sort. Happiness suits him.

And that’s when Kagami realises there’s really no hope for him. If Kuroko decided tomorrow that he wants to date Kiyoshi or he wants to enter a polygamous relationship with Aomine and Momoi, or if he wants to live in the mountains as a monk, Kagami will be nothing but thrilled for him, as long as Kuroko is happy. Kagami has hit rock bottom and there’s really no way out.

Somehow the resignation and acceptance of his situation makes things a little better. The tension flows out of his neck and shoulders and he even catches a couple of hours of sleep that night, and manages not to shoot murderous glares at Kiyoshi when he greets Kuroko with a hug in the morning. It’s okay. If he has to be the best man at Kuroko and Kiyoshi’s wedding, it’ll hurt but he can live with it, as long as Kuroko is happy.

Kagami misses the worried glances exchanged by his teammates when he doesn’t clench and grind his teeth at the sight of Kiyoshi effectively cuddling Kuroko. 

(“He’s either reached enlightenment, or he’s going to murder Kiyoshi in a dark alley,” Furihata whispers. Mitobe just nods.)

And because Kiyoshi has never known when to quit something, that’s when he decides to actually ask Kuroko on a date. Kuroko asks Kagami for help picking out something nice to wear, but Kagami is only human.

He begs off, claiming that he has to call his father and then run some errands for his mother before she arrives in Japan.  

He locks the doors and stays inside and toys with the idea of calling Tatsuya, before deciding that it’s not worth it. He skips dinner; something’s not right with his appetite.

(“I think you’ve gone too far, Kiyoshi.” 

“I know, Hyuuga. But I can’t stop now. Kagami-kun won’t accept it. I’ll just have to give Kuroko a push.” 

“Don’t be slow about it, Teppei. I think there are some things even Kagami can’t recover from.” 

“I won’t, Coach. You can rely on me.” 

“We always do.”)

“Where is everyone else?” Kuroko asks, sitting down at the chair Kiyoshi has just drawn for him.

“No one else was invited, Kuroko-kun, it’s just me and you.” Kuroko sighs a little, but doesn’t say anything.

“I think you know perfectly well what’s been happening, recently?” Kiyoshi asks once they’ve placed their orders for spicy ramen and cold udon respectively.

“I know you’ve been asking me out on dates, but I don’t know why. You’re not interested in me like that, Kiyoshi-san.”

“And you’re not interested in me either, Kuroko-kun.”

Kuroko nods; there’s no need to dispute something they both know and accept.

The ramen arrives at their table, but not the udon, so Kuroko doesn’t start; it’s only polite. “I suppose you’ve been wondering why people are suddenly trying to woo you.”

Kuroko nods again; he has. In the past he would have thought he was the butt of some great big joke, but this was Seirin. He trusted his teammates and he trusted his sempais.

“It’s because we’ve been trying to provoke someone into acting on his feelings for you.” Kiyoshi carefully doesn’t mention any names.

“Who has feelings for me?” Kuroko asks, still all of a sudden. “Is he on our team?”

Kiyoshi nods. “He is, but first you need to tell me if you have feelings for anyone on our team.”

“Kiyoshi-san, I respect you greatly and you’re an excellent sempai, but I don’t think that’s an appropriate question.” Kuroko’s got a sudden shiver running down his spine, like he’s missing something big, right in front of his eyes.

“This team,” Kiyoshi says after a beat of silence, “is like a family. Kuroko-kun, we have been through enough together that I see you as a younger brother, and I mean this in the most affectionate way.” Kuroko can’t hide his own blush; it would be difficult to deny that he sees Kiyoshi as a big brother either. “I think I know something that you don’t know, but I can only tell you if you tell me first. I think you will want to know what it is that I have to say.”

Kuroko thinks about it, and then nods. “I think it’s fairly obvious that I like Kagami-kun. Even my old Teikou teammates can see it. They have been teasing me about it for months now.”

Kiyoshi snorts. “You have to remember, Kuroko-kun, that the MiraGen have known you for a long time, and perhaps are more adept at reading you than the rest of us. I suspected, but I wasn’t sure, which is why I hesitated to divulge this, but now I see no way out. Kagami-kun likes you too. He may even love you, though I have not spoken to him about this directly.”

Kuroko goes absolutely still, and silent. Kiyoshi eats some of the complimentary beansprouts that were served with Kuroko’s ramen; his udon still hasn’t appeared. He can practically hear the motors whirring inside Kuroko’s head.

“And,” Kuroko continues, a handful of minutes later, “you were pretending to be interested in me to make him jealous?”

Kiyoshi nods. “Probably not the best thought-out plan, but it seemed sound at first. Even the Coach and Hyuuga thought so. I didn’t expect that he would be so selfless, though it probably speaks to the depth of his feelings for you.”

“So, that’s why he’s been so sad recently.”

Kiyoshi nods, “I suppose so.”

Kuroko pushes his chair back, ramen still untouched. “Kiyoshi-san, I am very angry right now, but I suspect that I will be very grateful in the future. Please excuse me, I have to be somewhere right now.”

Kiyoshi grins and waves him off, and then he’s gone. All that’s left for Kiyoshi to do is pull the still-warm ramen bowl over to his side of the table, and be grateful that he’d cancelled the udon order earlier.

(Kuroko’s not sure how he gets to Kagami’s house so quickly, but he supposes he should be glad that he doesn’t get hit by a car while crossing a road. He’s seen that movie with Kise-kun. It sucked.)

He supposes he should have clicked onto it when Kagami gave him a key to his house weeks ago, but Kuroko thinks he has a blind spot for people liking him, perhaps.

The house is dark when he enters. Kagami told him that he had to run some errands, but Kuroko suspects that wasn’t true. He also suspects he’s been hurting Kagami for some time. It’s unforgivable.

All the doors to the flat are open, except one. He can hear a low rumbling from behind the closed door, easily recognisable as Kagami’s snoring. The kitchen is dark and cold, and Kuroko suspects that no dinner has been made here, tonight. Kagami’s an emotional eater, in that if he’s eating, all is well. If he’s not eating, well.

Kuroko’s not the best cook in the world, but he’s not likely to poison anyone. He’s capable of making omelettes and fried rice from Kagami’s well-stocked pantry. It’s also easy enough to whip up miso soup from stock cubes, and maybe make a fruit salad for dessert, but that’s when Kuroko realises that he’s just putting off the inevitable.

He puts the kettle to boil for tea and then goes into Kagami’s room as quietly as he can. Kagami doesn’t stir from where he’s curled up around a bolster pillow, hair a mess and bedclothes askew. He looks like he’s been moving around a lot, and more than half the blanket is on the floor. Kagami’s oversized t-shirt is rucked up and stuck somewhere beneath him, exposing his muscular abdomen, and the trail of dark red hair down his belly, which looks slightly soft in this relaxed state. Kuroko wants very much to touch him.

He leans over the bed and puts a hand on Kagami’s shoulder, and shakes. “Kagami-kun,” he whispers. Kagami doesn’t budge, but his face tenses slightly and then goes lax again. “Kagami-kun,” Kuroko tries again, louder. Kagami swats one hand in the air above him, as though waving off a fly. It’s almost too cute.

“Taiga,” Kuroko tries, and that has the best result. Kagami snorts a little and he sits up, eyes widening to a squint.

“Dad?” he asks, and Kuroko considers – not for the first time – if Kagami is as lonely in his empty home as Kuroko is; if they couldn’t just live together to solve this problem.

“No, Kagami-kun, it’s me, Kuroko.”

Kagami coughs in surprise and sits up straight, pulling his t-shirt down into place. “Kuroko?” he asks, blearily. “Are you okay? Aren’t you supposed to be on a date with – are you okay?” he demands, suddenly changing tracks. “Did he do anything to you that you didn’t want?” Kagami is already stumbling out of bed before Kuroko can reply.

“I’m absolutely fine, Kagami-kun, I didn’t want to be on a date with Kiyoshi-san.”

Kagami blinks at him, and then at the blanket on the ground, tangled around his feet. He heaves a sigh and drops it back on the bed to be dealt with later. “I’ve made dinner,” Kuroko offers. Kagami blinks again.

“You didn’t have to, Kuroko. Haven’t you eaten already?”

Kuroko shakes his head. “I left before eating.”

Kagami shakes his head in turn. “Give me a minute, I’ll get dressed.”

“Please don’t worry, Kagami-kun. It’s your home and I’m intruding,” Kuroko adds, conveniently not mentioning that Kagami looks very soft and huggable in his yellow-duck boxers, displaying his long, hairy legs.

“Are you sure?” Kagami asks. “I know it’s not exactly proper.”

“You could say that it’s not proper for me to have come into your house uninvited and unannounced, and woken you from your sleep.”

“You could,” Kagami replies, looking a little amused, “but I gave you a key for a reason.”

“And I believe that reason is what I need to talk to you about.”

All the amusement slides off Kagami’s face, and he goes very still. His shoulders seem to hunch inwards, and he suddenly looks very small. Kuroko can’t believe how stupid he’s been to not have seen how much this was hurting his friend.

“I’m just going to put on some clothes, Kuroko,” Kagami says and it’s a clear dismissal/request this time. Kuroko steps out of the room, because he absolutely understands the need for some sort of armour, especially if Kagami thinks he’s about to be hurt again.

He sets the table and pours tea. He gives Kagami a larger portion of the fried rice, reserving a smaller one for himself. The omelette goes on the table between them, and because Kagami has truly disgusting foreign tastes, Kuroko finds a bottle of ketchup in the fridge and puts it on his side of the table.

Kagami comes out in long pants and a button-down. Kuroko mourns the loss of the duck boxers.

“How was your date, Kuroko?” Kagami asks, sitting down. Kuroko doesn’t miss the careful glance at the food on the table, and the clean wok in the drying rack.

“That’s the thing, Kagami-kun. I didn’t realise it was a date.”

Kagami snorts and takes a bite of the rice, and Kuroko does too. “This is good, Kuroko.” Kuroko smiles and nods his thanks. “But I did try to tell you a bunch of times that Kiyoshi is interested in you.”

“I know,” Kuroko replies, “but it honestly never occurred to me that he would want to date me. It didn’t make any sense. And he actually doesn’t.”

Kagami tilts his head in a way Kuroko recognises as his own, and it’s so obvious now that they’re picking up each others’ mannerisms too. “He doesn’t?”

“No, apparently, he was trying to make you jealous,” Kuroko says bluntly, before he can lose his courage.

Kagami doesn’t react visibly. He doesn’t choke on his food or drink, doesn’t drop any cutlery. He just looks sad. “Oh,” he says, and it occurs to Kuroko that Kagami has heard something different to what Kuroko was trying to say.

Kagami pulls the saddest little smile onto his face and says, “well, it’s been a long time since I’ve been hazed but I suppose it was inevitable. I guess it’s too late to confess now, but I might as well do it properly, now that I’ve already been embarrassed. I like you, Kuroko. I like you a lot, in a romantic way, in case I need to make that clear. I’d like to date you and be your boyfriend, but I understand that’s not really possible, so it’d be nice if you could let me have some space after you finish dinner.” It’s the most lacklustre and heart-breaking confession Kuroko could have imagined. 

Kuroko has never felt quite this stricken in his life. “Kagami-kun, you don’t understand. He was trying to make you act on your feelings, because I like you too. I like you more than I’ve liked anyone else in my life, before. I’m not interested in anyone but you, and the thought that you might be interested in Momoi nearly killed me. I just thought, well. I just didn’t let myself hope… You’re so bright and popular and kind. You could have anyone you wanted, so why would you want me?”

Kagami doesn’t say anything. He spoons fried rice into his mouth. Kuroko thinks his heart is going to beat out of his chest.

“And if I do want you?” Kagami asks, after silent moments tick past.

“Then, I hope you’ll allow me to be with you, Kagami-kun, as your partner both on the court and off.”

Kagami drops his spoon and brings a hand to his face. He’s shaking a little, and Kuroko lets him have a moment before he moves again, this time to put a hand on Kagami’s shoulder. He’s not sure when he stood up from his chair, but something inside him was telling him to get closer to Kagami, to not let him be alone.

Kagami puts a hand over Kuroko’s, dwarfing it with his size. He’s warm and his fingers are calloused, but his nails are short and clean. Even sitting down, Kagami’s eyes are almost level with Kuroko’s own.

“So all of that, with the flowers and the milkshakes and the serenades; that was Kiyoshi trying to make me jealous enough to ask you out?” Kuroko nods. “Didn’t it occur to him that I’d want you to be happy, with or without me?”

“I don’t think it did, at first. And honestly, it didn’t occur to me either. It should have, and I’m sorry, Kagami-kun.” Kuroko really does look contrite, but Kagami finds that he suddenly doesn’t mind the heartache of the past few weeks, anymore. It seems like it was all worth it, in the end.

“It’s okay Kuroko, but that makes it official. Now, as my boyfriend, you have to call me Taiga.”

Kuroko’s cheeks colour fetchingly pink and Kagami finds himself grinning like an idiot even as he’s lacing their fingers together. “Okay, Taiga-kun,” Kuroko says and Kagami really can’t help but kiss him. It’s just a little kiss, to the corner of Kuroko’s mouth where his lips are curved up in a smile, but it’s enough to set Kagami’s heart beating like a jungle drum.

“Are your parents home?” he asks, but this is a question he’s asked Kuroko many times before. He’s always hated the thought of his friend returning to an empty home at the end of a long day, though he does it himself most of the time. Kuroko shakes his head. “You can stay here, if you want, with me.”

Kuroko goes even more pink and Kagami realises what he’s just said. He backtracks as fast as he can. “In the flat, I mean. You can sleep in the guest room, or you can stay in my room and I’ll sleep on the couch, whatever you like Kuroko, I didn’t mean to imply—”

Kuroko cuts him off, “it’s okay, Taiga. I don’t want to go home either, and I’d like to stay here. And I’d like to share your bed too, if it’s something you’re okay with. Just for sleeping,” Kuroko clarifies, before Kagami explodes. “I just have one request.”

“Anything,” Kagami promises.

“Please call me Tetsuya in return?”

Kagami nods but it does nothing to dissipate the flush that is now painting even his ears and neck. That, he can do. “Remind me to send flowers to Kiyoshi-san tomorrow,” he says, when Kuroko has borrowed soft shorts and a t-shirt to sleep in, and crawled into his bed. Kiyoshi deserves flowers and gratitude for having caused this outcome.

“Sure, Taiga. I’ll even remind you to not send poison-ivy.”

Kagami huffs, warm breath making Kuroko squirm a little bit. When they finally settle down, Kagami is wrapped around Kuroko like an octopus, and Kuroko is tucked safely within the circle of his arms and under his chin, where nothing and no one can ever get to him. “Good night, Taiga.”

“Good night, Tetsuya.” They’re going to be just fine.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Epilogue
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> “Though, you know, I was wondering,” Kagami says the following morning, after Kuroko had woken up to find Kagami’s knee pressed firmly in the centre of his back, and his face pressed open-mouthed and drooling against the back of his neck. It was probably the most endearing thing he’d ever seen. “How and why did the Miracles get involved with this things, between us?”
> 
> Kuroko smiles wryly. “That might be my fault. I complained to Kise-kun that you never seemed to notice me that way, and he told everyone else that the only way to catch your attention – given my lack of presence – was to make you jealous. He even got Akashi to play along.”
> 
> “I’m going to beat that guy the next time I see him.”
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> “I don’t mind,” Kuroko grinned and kissed Kagami’s scowling face. “As long as I don’t have to post bail again.”
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> This fic has not been beta'd. It turned out much longer and much less funny than expected. Initially there was a scene in which Hanamiya, getting in on the fake-wooing action, deposits a bruised and bloody Haizaki in their gym with all the grace of a cat leaving a dead bird for its owners. I hope you guys like it without that scene anyway.
> 
> Concrit and reviews give me life.


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